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One day some time ago, Chere went to work expecting her usual cheery greeting
from Tweety. However, he was not sitting on her computer monitor and
the below typed note was left in his place: |
TWEETY HAS BEEN BIRDNAPPED
DO NOT CONTACT THE FBI OR
ANY OTHER STATE OR LOCAL
AUTHORITY!!
YOU WILL BE CONTACTED WITH OUR LIST
OF DEMANDS AT A LATER DATE, IF YOU
PLAY BY THE RULES THE BIRD LIVES IF NOT
THE BIRD DIES!!
REMEMBER: DO NOT CONTACT THE
AUTHORITIES!! |
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As Chere's office is inside a secured area, she couldn't imagine how anyone could get
Tweety past the guards, but the note indicated that he was alive, and she guessed,
probably not close by. The next few weeks were pure hell: no contact from the
birdnappers and no indication of whether Tweety was okay or not. Then, a letter
came which Chere hoped would at least let her know the birdnappers' demands. To
her supprise, it was the following letter and pictures from Tweety: |
Dear Mom,
I have escaped from the birdnappers and I am trying to get
back home to you. The past few weeks have been hell, but friendly people have been
helping me get my health back. I hope to be home in about 2 weeks, depending on how the
hitchhiking goes. I would fly, but hunting season is open in Idaho, and I don't want to
end up as someone's dinner.
Love,
Tweety
P.S. Here are some pictures to show you that I'm OK.
 |
|
With this letter, Chere was able to again sleep for the first time since Tweety was abducted.
She now found herself actually able to hope this episode would soon be over.
God, how she longed for the comfort of Tweety's company again. Everyone, including Chere, was in
for a surprise as shown in the next few letters (and pictures) from Tweety. |
Dear Mom,
Since you never let me go anywhere or do anything but sit on your
monitor, I am taking this chance to see a little of the country. From Oregon I cut
across Idaho
to Montana where I hooked up with a group of HOGs headed for Sturgis.
I rode with them across
Montana to Billings where we parted ways over an argument over the ethical treatment of my cousins
by Colonel Sanders. From there I headed back towards Idaho by way of our nation's first national
park, Yellowstone. At Fishing Bridge I saw the most horrendous display of stuffed birds!
I ran
screaming for my life, afraid I would become the first Tweety on the wall, so I didn't get a pic
there. I did get several pictures in Montana and throughout the park (the geysers are really neat),
and in West Yellowstone, where I came out of the park. You should have seen the look of horror on
the face of this fat tourist woman from Ohio when she saw me in the bears mouth!
Stupid easterner
couldn't even tell a bronze bear from a real one!
I knew I said I'd be home in a couple of weeks, but I am having too good a time out here on the
open road. I have enclosed some pictures of my travels, complete with captions so you know where
I am. I'll try to get home soon, but you never know what opportunities might present
themselves.
At the border from Montana
In Ennis MT
Both of these are in a park in Billings. I have no idea why these people have
stupid statues in their park, or who the guy on the horse is.
In Yellowstone Park, with the steam of Norris Geyser Basin in the background.
In West Yellowstone, the bottom one is the one that freaked the woman in Ohio!
|
Dear Mom,
While traveling back to IF, I discovered
how easy it is to hop in a fat broad's bag at an airport and travel the
world some more. As a result, I have been to Las Vegas (what a
party town - with the right connections, you can find female Tweety bird
hookers!), and Orlando FL. Orange Blossom Trail has anything you
could possibly want!
Hear are a few pics of my travels.
The view from my hotel room
The view from outside the hotel
Don't worry, it is only a fake!
Outside the Flamingo Hotel, where Bugsy Segal was killed
Going for a flamingo ride in the garden &
At the Coca-Cola store on the strip
I am still in Orlando, so there is no telling where I may go from here.
If there is a flight west, I
may take it, but I have never been "across the pond" as the Brits would say!
Love,
Tweety
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| By
now, Chere was certain that Tweety had indeed escaped from his captors,
but was still concerned about their original intentions.
Therefore, she contacted the FBI. After hearing the known facts,
an intensive investigation including a complete search of Chere's
office and analyzing Tweety's letters to this point was
completed. It was theorized that Tweety was drugged in order to
get him past security and that he probably ended up in Oregon as a
result of his escape, not through the actions of his birdnapper(s).
Everyone was still concerned that the abductor(s) may have targeted
Tweety because of his knowledge of Chere's office, the surrounding
areas and Chere's duties, so the FBI then brought in their best
criminal profiler. According to the profiler's findings,
Tweety's was probably taken by one individual only (a white male in
his 40s). The birdnapper's intentions appear to have been for a
reason other than to get information or even to harass Chere: the
abductor appears to be the equivalent of a pedophile in people terms
but has a thing for young yellow male birds instead. Because of
the profiler's findings and the fact that Tweety now apparently is
just having a good time seeing the country, the FBI could not become
officially involved with finding Tweety. However, they did feel
that Tweety escaped from his captor before actually being physically
molested. |
Hello Matey, I mean mommy,
Well the last time I mailed you I was in Orlando and considering if
I wanted to come home or not. Right when I was getting home sick this large tour group of
Benny
Hill looking people walked by and I said to myself what the hell. I jumped into the carry-on of
this large lady, snickers and peanut butter cups as far as I could see but not a spot of birdseed
to be found. This lady went all over England and I got to see a lot of things I never would have
seen sitting on your computer.
 |
Big Ben is very noisy it scared me, I wanted a hug but you were not here, so I held on to
this wall until it stopped. |
 |
The traffic was awful here in merry old England and these limeys don't drive as wild as you do
in Idaho Falls when you are going down 17th street. They are much kinder they never flip the
middle finger at people like you do but they do yell at each other. |
| I tried to mail you, but the stamps here are the old lick kind and they stuck my beak shut. |
 |
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London bridges falling down, falling down falling down, London bridges falling down... well
you know the rest. |
| I have met many interesting relatives here. These blokes were not much on sharing so I
snuck some fish from the fat lady when she wasn't looking while we were at the fish and chip
place. |
 |
 |
If you think mailing a letter was tough you should try an call. The operators have such
bad accents I could not understand them. They wanted to know how I was going to pay for the
call and since you never paid me what I was worth for sitting on your monitor and looking cute I
was unable to phone home. |
 |
Everything here in London was very big, this is the parliament building. I think I saw
the fat lady steal an ash tray from here, she almost dropped it on my head when she put it in her
purse. |
Well that's it for now, this trip to England was great and sure beats the hell out of
work place name. The
food here leaves a lot to be desired and the beer is warm if you can believe that.
I think with
all the rain and cold temps that I have experienced lately I need to go somewhere warm but
looking at the weather forecast for Idaho shows nothing but snow and cold.
You know how I hate
to fly in the snow it sticks to my wings and makes my beak cold. I'll let you know when I get
wherever it is that I am going, it always depends what carry-on I am able to jump into.
Love,
Tweety
(the globe trotter)
|
Mommy,
I bet you are surprised to hear from me so soon, but I found some
really nice people leaving the London airport heading for Mexico and I though
what the hell I've
never been there before. Mexico is great, it is sssssooooooo warm here I just love it.
The sun
makes my whole body warm (sitting on your CRT only made my tummy warm).
I made it to Mazatlan,
you would love it here and the air off the Pacific Ocean smells great and is so refreshing.
Like
always I took some snap shots so you would not miss me so much.
 |
Tried to call home but still could not get the damn calling card to work. Are you sure you paid
the bill or do you want to hear from me? |
| I landed here for a few minutes to cool off in the shade. And had my picture taken while I was
waiving, not sure what the sign says though. |
 |
 |
I am amazed how many cool brothers of mine I find all over the world, these guys and I did some
killer tequila shooters later in the day I think I handled them OK but the upside down margaritas
really got to me. |
 |
Not sure who this guy is but he really knew where the cool party sites were.
He said he used to
sit in an office in Topeka but got tried of it and "flew the coop" like I did.
We went hang gliding
later in the day it was really fun to be up in the sky and not have to flap the ol'e wings, this
flying around in the airplanes has made me a little lazy but I am still more active now than when
I sat in your office. |
 |
Have you ever partied too much? This guy and I were sitting in a dumpy bar drinking mescal and
shooting the breeze one minute and the next thing I knew ... here he is in a grocery store looking
rather disconnected if you know what I mean. Nothing will kill a great
conversation like getting
your head cut off and sold for food, of course I bought him, the pink guy and roasted him on the
beach later that night, the ears were a little tough and chewy but the feet were to die for.
|
Well mom I am really starting to miss you and am thinking of coming home soon.
With summer coming
on it will be warm enough and I am running low on funds. Of course there is always a flight leaving
somewhere and I might hop one to someplace I have never been and finding a flight to Idaho is tougher
than you think, might see you soon.
TWEETY
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| The following letter was found along with Tweety
and his suitcase at the Idaho Falls airport lounge. After all, Tweety only speaks
people talk with Chere. |
To Whom It May Concern:
Would you plase call my mom at
phone #, her name is Chere last name, and
inform her I am at the airport and desire a
ride home.
I would do it myself but it is to tough for me
to hold the phone and dial with these stubby
little arms of mine.
Thank you
Tweety
|
Chere, of course, headed straight to the airport. It was a tearful reunion, and
time for them to be at home together.
During the ride home, Tweety rambled on:
"Well, I finally made it home. You can't believe how tough it
is to catch a flight to Idaho Falls. I almost never made it home at all.
I really had a close call with a lady in Miami who said she worked at
the zoo and wanted me to be an attraction at their new aviary. I told her off and made it home
to you, but now we need to get a few things straight.
I don't mind sitting on your monitor as long as you acknowledge I exist
and take me out to see the sun or to brunch once in awhile.
As for the snake and the ever-growing list of animals you are
accumulating at home, just remember, I have escaped kidnappers and traveled all over the this world
of ours, so don't think you can just put me on a shelf and forget me. I may just leave again!
Well, I am sure glad to be back home again; the world can be a big
scary place and it is sure full of weird people."
Chere assured Tweety that he'd never have
the chance to think he was being ignored again; in fact, she'd probably
let him stay at home where he'd have a lot more freedom than at work and
would have her other animals to keep him company when she's at
work. Plus, his perverted abductor is still at large.
Once home they talked into the wee hours of the night.
Chere told Tweety of the FBI's
conclusions regarding his abductor. Tweety could not remember anything about his abductors, how many there
were or how he was taken from Chere's office. The last thing he
could remember was going to sleep as usual in the office after most
everyone was gone for the evening. However, when he first woke up he was certain he was in a bad place, as he does remember countless
hours in a dark, dank, very small room with just a little wet bread occasionally.
He was pretty sure he was drugged most of the
time until he found himself with some wonderful people heading toward Oregon.
He could not even
remember how he got away from the bad guys. No, he never thought
of getting names, address or anything else from the people who took him
to Oregon. In hindsight, he realizes they probably could have
helped to find out who birdnapped him, but most of the time he was just
trying to get his strength back.
These same people took him as far East as Boise because they were
going to a football game there. He was able to go to the game with them
and see some of Boise. He has pictures of himself there but somehow they don't include his new
found friends. He then started heading toward Idaho Falls. Although he
sent no
pictures of the boarder area into Nebraska, he made it there also.
Tweety showed Chere the remainder of the pictures he had.
Some,
although not all, are shown below:
Boise, ID area
East (really East) of Idaho Falls
More from England
Chere and Tweety decided it was important to offer a reward for the
capture and successful prosecution [in Chere's
mind] of the bidnapper(s). Because of the severity of the crime, Tweety has offered 1
(one) once of his prize Mexican birdseed given to him by a government
official while in Mexico.
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